Thoughts and happenings from our little homestead here in the wild woods of Indiana

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A New Home

I'm in the process of transferring my files out of blogger and onto my own site. Blogger is a fine group, but the software is too limiting. So I'm rebuilding the blog again.

The address is:

http://www.mdeagan.com/pages/writings/news/diary_current/diary_new.htm

Or you can go to www.mdeagan.com and use the writings/news from innisfree links as before.

I expect the full transition to take about a week. The blog is currently up and running, though you are apt to see some odd things for awhile, as I transfer files a few at a time. Please keep checking back.

 
New and Improved!

 
Demon Bunnies from Hell

Two weeks ago, I had fifteen happy, healthy little okra plants. Never could find any starters locally, so I raised them in peat pots from seed, then transplanted them when they got big enough. Tilled in manure and mulched the area with black plastic to control weeds. Staked out a drip line to keep things waters without waste.

Went out last week and had fifteen tiny green sticks. Something had come through and bitten the tops off every single one. The same something (Demon Bunny) had nipped two of the cucumber plants as well, but not finding them to its liking, left the rest in peace.

Now, I like bunnies. Everybody who knows me knows I like bunnies. I consider them good luck and always smile when I see one. We have one rabbit I call "Mama-bunny" who likes to graze the clover in the back yard ever evening at twilight, when the weather cools. Most of the time she is accompanied by the tiniest little baby and they both sit unconcerned. They are used to the sight of us out on the deck, and seem to regard us as entertainment during dinner.

One night (and only one night.. I don't know what the occassion was), I looked out in the back and there were five or six large adults milling around. I guess Mom was having a party (a Bunny-Bris?).

Mostly the bunnies live back in the woods and only venture out to graze on things near the edges, so that they have safe cover nearby. And a bulb here or a pepper there has never been a problem.. I always plant extra, just for that reason. But this! Not only was this not one of my house bunnies (I've seen the culprit a few times) this was just plain greedy. I asked my father-in-law what would keep rabbits at bay, and he said "not much." Checked online and got the same result.

Now once, some years back, I found some wire mesh rings that had been effective at keeping back preditors, but a search of my local home stores turned up zilch. So I got some mesh, a bat of wire cutters and went to work. I replanted the okra, and while it was germinating made fifteen little wire cages. Replaced the seedling and put up my "Bunny-barriers" and fully expected to be posting smug shots of my thriving okra by now.

Nope.



So now I'm planting yet another fifteen and working on a new and improved barrier. Stay tuned.

And although I've never, ever been able to grow bell peppers, this year they seem to be doing well (for the moment). Weather has been too wet for the tomatoes, so not much ripening yet.

 
On the Same Theme

Gathered up Moiya's bottles last night and put them up to make room for more grown-up things. Found in the closet the now-discarded little folding mat she used to lie and play on before the could walk.. and the bouncy-seat she loved. The walker and saucer have long since gone.

It's true. It's all true. This all goes by so fast.

The joy in seeing your baby grow is always being undercut by constantly having to say goodbye forever to the child you knew yesterday, last week, last month.

I have (as always) a poem stuck in my head that I read so very long ago.. but I can't remember all the words. I've gotten so spoiled, having the internet. When I was young, I used to love going to the library.. and just prowling around, looking things up, tracking things down. And now I can visit the library at any time, and rediscover and revisit so many of the readings of my youth. But finding this one was tough.. my only failure. I found the poem, found the author, but cannot find the translation that I once read and loved.

Ah well.. this is pretty much it. And it runs through my head often these fleeting days (italics are mine):

The Merry-Go-Round

Under the roof and roof’s shadow turns
this train of painted horses for a while
in this bright land that lingers
before it perishes. In what brave style
they prance--though some pull wagons.
And there burns
a wicked lion, red with anger...
and now and then a big white elephant

Even a stag runs here, as in the wood,
save that he wears a saddle where, upright
a little girl in blue sits, buckled tight.

And on the lion whitely rides a young
boy who clings with little sweaty hands,
the while the lion shows his teeth and tongue.

And now and then a big white elephant

And on the horses swiftly going by
are shining girls who have outgrown this play;
in the middle of the flight they let their eyes
glance here and there and near and far away--

and now and then a big white elephant.

And all this hurries toward the end, so fast,
whirling futilely, evermore the same.
A flash of red, of green, of gray goes past,
and then a little scarce-begun profile.
And oftentimes a blissful dazzling smile
vanishes in this blind and breathless game.

Rainer Maria Rilke
1874-1926

I also liked this quote I found while searching:

“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around — and why his parents will always wave back.”
–William D. Tammeus

 
Some several of you have commented about how Moiya may not entirely appreciate my chronicling her every little event here in years to come (the pic of her with a Cheerio stuck to her head comes to mind -- and still makes me laugh). My usual response is that there is going to be some SERIOUS blackmail come prom night ;)

But it put me in mind of a little ditty from Ogden Nash that I'd not seen in years. A quick search turned it up:

"I have a funny daddy
Who goes in and out with me
And everything that baby does
Daddy's sure to see,
And everything that baby says,
My daddy's sure to tell.
You must have read my daddy's verse.
I hope he fries in Hell".

~~Ogden Nash~~

Speaking of Prom Night (hey, I'm in a quoting mood... Be grateful. First, it's better than me being morose. Second, I'm not sending you this dreck as e-forwards)

Anyway, I think this is funny (not sure who wrote it). And I DO plan to be cleaning the guns every time Moiya goes out:

"Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camoflaged face at the window is mine".

 
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin.
But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

~Alfred D Souza~

 
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

As my mother can tell you, I've hidden handkerchiefs (and kleenex) about my person my whole life. When you grow up with bad allergies, it comes in handy to never be far away from a hanky. So I was forever tucking them into whatever cranny I could manage.

Come to find out, Moiya has started doing the same thing with her pacifiers. We ekeep finding them stuffed into her clothes.. presumably a precaution against going without.

And it's probably not a coincidence that this coincides with her Mommy's current campaign to phase them out :)

That's my girl!

 
De Profundus

Sorry I’ve been silent so long. My 52nd birthday left me in a state of deep despair which has still, frankly, not passed. (although my In-Laws marked the occasion, which was very sweet of them) Birthdays, like New Years, invite introspection. And introspection usually is not a good thing for me. Given the nature of my head, it is almost always smarter for me to look forward and never back… ironic for somebody devoted to history. Just one more of God’s little jokes, I guess.

In one of the better Doctor Who novels, there is a character called “Nameless Friendless Betrayed and Alone” (“Nameless Friendless” to his friends). And that’s pretty much how I’ve been feeling. Such a shock to look back over time and realize that almost nobody you love ever loved you back, and that most of those you accorded a major place in your life have not accorded you a similar stature in their own.

Self pitying? You bet. Delusional? Maybe. Maybe not. But that is not the point. If it bedevils me, then I have a right to let it out in my own space and in my own way. I require neither anyone’s permission nor comment. This is MY blog.

And no, Lisa H.. five bucks sez even you won’t get the title on this one ;)

New Job

Just because I’ve been in a funk doesn’t means things at Innisfree have stood still – quite the opposite. Great events have transpired. Jacquelyn got a flurry of interviews all at once. I was very jealous when Yum approached her (I’ve been sending them resumes for years without a nibble. They called HER. She did not apply to them). But for various reasons, she declined their offer and has gone into management with Steak and Shake instead. So our schedules are now crazy again – but not downright abusive like they were with Walgreen’s. Pay is as good, and they already have shown themselves to not be nearly the callous asshats that the upper management of Walgreen’s proved to be.

I’m still going to get them one day. As I once told Jacquelyn about short people: we don’t give up, we don’t give in, and we never forget.

Gazebo


So.. we have this HUGE deck suspended 12 feet in the air off our back door. I spent the whole last year (and the year before) replacing the boards, which the previous owners had never sealed and which had, in consequence, rotted through. The year before that I spent replacing the supporting structure which, I found, was held together with finishing nails.

So now we have this BIG deck (ok.. the railing needs to go, but its functional now). But it is the anvil to the sun’s hammer. You literally can’t stand on it for long in the afternoon without your feet getting painful. And it reflects hug amounts of UV into the diniong room, which fades everything it touches. And about all…. We dare not let Moiya go onto it.. she’d fry to a crisp in a minute.

So what the hell’s the use of a deck ya can’t use? So for the 4th of July, we decided to take matters in hand and purchased a assemble-it-yourself gazebo. We shopped for quite a while, wanting to find something at a non-exorbitant price which would not fall apart of blow away in a storm (we have some doozies). Finally found one, wedged it into the car, and got it home.


It took two days to assemble, but we DID have it up in time to enjoy the Fourth of July as a family. Now, there was much trauma.. and it had to be taken down at one point and reassembled. And I found myself swearing in at least three languages I don’t even speak. But we did it.

Then we decided, what’s the 4th without a cook out and a swim. So we got the Girl her first ever wading pool, and some “Swimming diapers” (who knew there was such a thing??) and some pool toys.

We set the pool up next to the gazebo (it is indicative of the size of the deck that we still have another third unused) and proceeded to inflate it. I insisted that I wanted an inflatable pool for ease of storage, but when Jacquelyn found an electrical pump, I turned up my nose. I opted for a foot-operated pump instead.

After about two hours stomping my feet in the blazing sun with NO apparent effect, I was willing to concede that I’d been wrong yet again.

Anyway.. we got it inflated, got it filled, got Moiya into her suit, and plonked her into the water. She was not at ALL sure she liked it at first. Wading was fine, but when she tripped and splashed into the cold water, there were tears. But after Mommy and Daddy joined her in the pool, Moiya decided that this was great fun. (Especially when she could splash Daddy with cold water and make him scream like a woman).

These Quicksilver Times

How quickly it all goes. I was clearing off shelf space in the kitchen tonight and suddenly realized how much had changed. Not so long ago, I was constantly sterilizing bottles for the baby. I had reached to point that I could literally prepare formula in my sleep. And now.. we have neither formula nor bottles. We have sippy-cups now, and vegetables and ravioli and fruit.. “big girl food”. I will never again give my little girl a bottle in the night.

This moves way too fast, this does.

 
“Rainy Days and Sundays”

(Sigh) My last day of vacation, and it’s raining buckets. Grey, dismal, and humid.
Bleah!

That’s all…. Just “Bleah”

 
“Out of the mouths of.."?

One of the seven signs of the coming of the Apocalypse just occurred. Mike Tyson just said something meaningful. Of his now-ended “career” he said last week:

“You’re wise too late and old too young.”

Could be my epitaph.

Probably could be yours too.

 

I Love Living Here It's always such a thrill to me to walk out on the back deck and find deer grazing in the yard. And this little one was very patient.. she watched Jacquelyn and I curiously as we snapped pics (with flash yet) but was never alarmed.. kept right on eating clover.

 
“Of Shoes and Ships and Sealing Wax..”

OK.. so I’m used to being drooled on, peed on, sat on, and having little sticky fingers probe up my nose. I had even gotten used to being kicked in uncomfortable places. Whoever designed shopping carts with their little baby-seat thingies managed to place them at EXACTLY the right height so that when baby starts swinging her feet while we wait in the checkout, Daddy gets a big surprise.

Ok.. used to that. Little baby toes can only do so much damage to soft tissue.

But now we’ve introduced baby SHOES. And let me tell you, little baby toes encased in hard leather can do a lot of damage to the unwary Dad. Moiya delivered a kick to my nether regions at Ruthann’s reception that made my eyes water.

Ah well.. as Marci says, “It’s all part of the adventure.” J

 
“Journeys End in Lovers Meeting”
Twelfth Night (II, iii, 44-45)

Dinner with the Schmidts last week, which is always a joy. Then we went to the wedding of an old friend today. (Erm.. Not that Ruthann is old. It’s just that we’ve been friends for a quarter of a century). She and Lisa (not “Photographer” Lisa, “Mr. Bear” Lisa.. sorry. Last names not used here) have taken me in and mothered me more times than I can count when my world has turned to ashes. Every time the house of cards has come tumbling down and I have been ready to give up all hope, they’ve just dusted me off, put me on my feet and set me going again. They are the embodiment of a quality that is all but gone in modern life: Loyalty. I owe them both so much, and I love them both more dearly than I can say.

(And the fact that neither likes my ex-wife has NOTHING to do with it)

Oh! It was good to see things go so right for Rufie. Ben seems a good guy, and Rufie was clearly very happy and very content. I hope to get to know him better, as if he’s been with Ruf for awhile now and as he has continued to hang in, he must be well worth knowing. Exchanged a few words at the reception, but of course I was my usual dorkey self at social gatherings. (I’m just lucky I didn’t wet myself in the middle of the receiving line and have to go and hide under a table) and so didn’t really “connect”.

What struck me most though (other than Ruthann’s obvious joy), was Brianna, Ruthann’s daughter. Up till now I’ve only known of Brianna as a text-based object. “Brianna did this”, or “Brianna did that”. Today I looked up and there was this young woman standing next to Ruthann, and was amazed.

How shall I put this? I was holding my daughter, and talking to a smart, funny, engaging young person who was the daughter of my friend. And I was thinking, “If I can do what Rufie has done.. if I can see my child turn out this well.. I will be so very proud.” And when I think that she did it alone! I mean, I struggle raising a baby when there are two of us to shoulder the burden. And yet Rufie did it solo. And apparently did it rather well. Kudos Brianna, and kudos Rufie!

I am reminded of the old saying about Ginger Rodgers: “She could do everything Fred Astaire could do.. and she could do it backwards.

My own two girls made me proud, as always (although the younger one did flirt most shamelessly with the bridegroom) . Jacquelyn was her usual patient self with me, and Moiya showed off her walking skills and posed for pics like the little ham she is J Having stupidly stuffed my pockets with pacifiers and teething biscuits, I was camera-less and will have to beg from Lisa and Ruthann for pictures to grace this site.

Anyway.. it all gives me a warm glow to see such a dear friend get what she deserves. And in terms of child rearing, it made me very, VERY humble.. with something to shoot for.

God bless, Ben and Ruthann. Many happy years.

 
The Westward Trek

My cousin Marci has just made me aware that I've made no mention of our recent trip to see my Mum in St. Louis. Nothing too much to report - Moiya screamed all the way there, we had a nice visit with Mom, and she (Moiya, not Mom) screamed all the way back.

We stay in a local motel while we are there, as Mom's apartment (or "rabbit hutch" as she prefers to call it) while lovely, is not spacious. But of course that makes turning out the light and tiptoeing away when we put Moiya down for the night somewhat problematic. So Jacquelyn and I would hole up in the room's tiny bath, eating cheese doodles and reading paperbacks till things fell silent on the other side of the door. Jacquelyn looked up at one point, sitting on the floor, with her knees under her chin and remarked that it was not exactly how she had originally envisioned spending her evenings :)

But Moiya and Mom got along famously. And Herself got to toddle around on wall-to-wall carpeting, visit the ducks, get fussed over by all the residents of the complex and get regularly rocked and snuggled by Granma. She also discovered at new pleasure - since we couldn’t bring her high chair, we fed her in her stroller.. which has a seat that reclines. And Moiya soon learned to lie all the way back with her feet propped up in the air, dining like some tiny Roman emperor. As somebody remarked at the time, if we could only have fed her some grapes the image would have been perfect.

Moiya seemed pretty amused by it all.

 
I Hate Ticks

Nasty little things. I've been working outside for the past few days. Sometimes I find them in time to remove them properly.. sometimes I don't.

A few weeks back I found one on my upper arm, whilst cruising the net at 3 a.m. Tried to remove it properly, but it was in an awkward spot and I accidentally left the head in, with the result that the area became swollen and itched like MAD.

The other night I was scratching away at bug bites and looked inside the waistband of my shorts to find what looked like a dark flap of skin, barely hanging onto a bloody patch. "Oh Great!" I thought. "I've torn one of my moles." So for about five days now I've resisted scratching this hideously itching thing. Then this morning Jacquelyn takes a look at it... another tick. I've been wearing a damned tick for a week. Ewwwww..

So Jacquelyn got the tweezers, stuck a knife in the flame till it got hot and got that sucker out of there. And discovered another that I had apparently scratched off.. leaving the head embedded. Under my waistband. In front. Exactly where I CAN'T scratch in public. (And I go back to work next week.)

I hate ticks.

 
Late Night Thoughts

I wonder...

The girl has kept me up all night, and it's been hard.. so long as I entertained the idea of getting back to sleep. Each minute was being mentally subtracted from my fair share of rest.. a constant state of "hey.. this is unfair." But at 3:45 I finally just gave up and decided I'd just stay up all night.. and since then, everything has been easy and calm. And I just wondered.. is death like that? Hard until you accept it, then easy?

Hey.. it's 4 a.m.... I always have odd thoughts at night. If you have problems with that, you don;t need to be here. Scram

Herself has been a nightmare. Between allergies and diaper-rash-from-Hell she is rarely comfortable these past few days. And so the tears have been many and the crying pretty much non-stop.

Funny. I have mentioned in these pages before about the animals of Innisfree and their reaction to our illnesses. Earlier today, after the baby had been screaming for about an hour and we were getting towards our wits end, I came out of the nursery to find all three of the free-range girls (Duncan, Simon, and Wicker) clustered in a tight huddle at the door, looking anxious.

Sweet, dear beasts.

Wicker.. who does not really love the baby, has nevertheless, hovered near her all day, anxious and upset. And the cats circle endlessly. As when I was ill with fever, they are the guardians.. they are watchers over us all. They will not rest until all is well.

Small wonder then that we have taught Moiya from birth to respect them. And I love the delight on her face when she sees them! After a few hisses and growles, she is finally starting to understand the word "gentle" and now moderates her petting.. still heavy-handed.. but better. And the beasts are far more patient than I would be. Dear Duncan has endured so much abuse at tiny, clumsy hands... and yet cannot be kept out of the nursery. Gates up, and she has learned to leap over the barriers to get to "her" baby.

Anyone who says that animals don't go to heaven, doesn't belong there themselves. And any heaven that would not admit these dear friends is not one that I long to inhabit.

 
Luck of the Irish

Great. So I finally get some time off after what seems like ages... got a whole list of things I've been itching to get done in the yard. Picked the first two weeks of June specifically because the temp would be cooler for outdoor work. And this is what I get.

 
Birthday Party



Moiya enjoying her cake



Two sweet girls, Katie and Moiya



Spinning tales and playing games



Ryan really enjoys his cake



The Cousins together (from left) Moiya, Jake, Katie, and Ryan

 
Birthday Girl

Jacq. took some of the best pics ever of our Birthday Girl today.

 
Suggestions?

We are in the process of adding bits and bobs to the nursery, and last week added the calendar and shelf seen here. Now we are trying to decide what colors to paint the shelf... any ideas?

 
"A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far, Far Away..."

It hardly seems possible.. but Moiya arrived one year ago today. 365 days ago, I was racing to Lawrenceburg, and Jacq was racing to the hospital and we both were wondering what the hell we had gotten ourselves into.

Because, of course, we chose this. It wasn't like we awoke one day and realized we had gotten preggers. No... we were asked if we wanted this. We CHOSE it. And in spite of a MOUNTAIN of roadblocks, we fought for it, and finally got it.

One year ago.

One year ago, I drove fast after work, nervous and jumpy as a cat, uncertain what to expect, but feeling that I was doing what I was intended to do. So unfamiliarly certain (because God knows - I'm never certain about anything). One year ago I sat on my In-Laws porch and waited for the car to arrive, scared as hell. One year ago, deep into the night, I held my daughter for the first time.

I sang to her (badly.. "The Biplane Evermore" as I recall). I rocked her. And I knew that I had come home at last. Leaving the familiar and the safe and the sane can evoke sheer terror. But sometimes those great leaps are rewarded in kind.

Tonight Moiya and I played silly baby games and she laughed so much... the most beautiful sound in the world. And I had a hard time remembering a life before this one.. much as I have a hard time remembering a time before my sweet Jacq. Some things are just so right and so wonderful that they change your whole reality.

Happy Birthday, my sweet daughter.

Happy Birthday Moiya Kathleen Eagan.




(Note that the thing she is leaning on in this last pic is MY FACE)

 
Summer Sights

The Storm-tossed clematis mentioned earlier. Apparently lying face down for a week agrees with it!

The woods around Innisfree are filled with wild roses, if you know where to look

If you ever wondered what asparagus looks like when grown to seed, here 'tis. We have a patch that grows out near the barn

To the right, the vegetable garden (thus far) - peppers and tomatoes. The third section gets tilled and planted when the okra and bean seedlings get big enough. Below, the view from the garden looking back to the house. (Don't ask me why I planted it so far away. It seemed like a good idea at the time).

	After the dead trees from last winter came down, we're no longer short of fuel for next winter!

 
Big Girl






We like to stand. We still get donw on our knees to travel... but then we stand again. It won't be long now.

Wicker seems to have gotten much more interested in the baby now, (and she in Wicker) but the kitties are lying low for now, having recently been on the receiving end of some "tough love". Still.. she is captivated by them, grins when she sees them, and loves being outdoors. These are all good things.

Now if Mommy would just stop teaching her to like show tunes... :)

Finally got the peppers and the tomatoes in last weekend, which was a relief. Waiting on the bean and okra seedlings to plant the third bed. Everything is in bloom (at least the bits that lived) and the clematis is especially beautiful this year, covered in dozens of huge, vibrant blooms. Which is odd, as a storm had blown the trellis face down and I'd only just gotten around to lifting it back up. Apparently it liked being down?

Of course now the vines are all going sideways.. but hey! Nice blooms! Pics soon.

A shout out to my friends Kelly and Lisa and cuz Marci, with thanks for their kind words of encouragement. And Lisa.. in case "de man" is reading this, your secret it safe with me (winks). And a big hello to sister-in-law Stacy!

Short clip of Moiya walking here

 
Sleepless Nights

Moiya is with Jacq's folks tonight - an effort to give us a break. But the lack of having to respond to a little cry in the night... the waiting for it... has just messed me up so badly. Around 3 a.m. I just went and sat in the nursery in the dark, accompanied by my faithful cats.

Humans are just so weird. Next time around I want to be something else.

 
"The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul"

And if you don't get the reference, it's ok. Nobody else will get it either. But as is usual with my humor, it pleases me, and for fifty-two years, that's been the main thing :)

This is just mindless blather. This is just the mental detrius of my day that I must out before I can sleep. "Horseman, pass by."

It is quiet now in Innisfree. No more tears. Just soft snores.. from my dearest, from our Girl, from our sweet beasts. "I alone am survived to tell the tale" (yeah, a third literary reference. In times of stress, it is where I go. Got over it or Google it).

Apparently there were lots of tears at the daycare when Jacquelyn took Moiya away for the last time. Lot's of promises to return one day. But who knows.

In his short-lived series, John Larroquette's character once claimed to have been influenced in childhood by a sign he saw at an amusement park: "This is a dark ride" Now, "Dark ride" is carny-speak for a fun house. But the character took it as an apt description of life.

I agree. This IS a "Dark Ride".

And we will ride it to the end, my love and I. We will endure. It was nice for awhile, living like middle class white folks. But we will survive without NOT having to watch the pennies. Life is hard. Life is unfair. It always has been. So what?. Tell it to the untold legions of humanity past, present, and future who get by as best they can.

What the hell.. we aren't dead yet. What was the Roman saying? "Dum spiro, spero?" "While I breathe, I hope."

We must trust. We've been sloppy lately... ever since the Great Kentucky Hostage Crisis came to an end, we haven't had to Trust. This is our reality check; we aren't in charge. Never have been. Never will be. But, as my "voices" said today, "I didn't bring you this far to drop you." And I have to go with that. Never been lied to yet.

Man, I wish I could sleep. Class from hell in a few hours, and here I am typing. Buggar!

"To everything there is a season." "Change is the way of life.""Not all order is good. Not all chaos is bad.""Ah well... at least they can't eat ya." (The last from an old gent I was once in therapy with, God love him. You take your comfort where you can).

"Let's go"
"We can't"
"Why not?"
"We're waiting for Godot."
"Awwww...."

Before I was born, Beckett nailed it.


But we will endure. We ARE the children of Innisfree. We are not dead. We love one another and we have the sweet baby Moiya. We have sweet, loving critters underfoot. We have trees. We have trust in the Divine.

And we are stubborn as HELL.

Lose the battle. Win the war.

 
Endings

Well, after months of over use and outright abuse, endlesss nights and never getting to see her daughter, Jacq. and the jerks at Walgreenshave come to a parting of the ways.

Some people just need to burn in hell.

So... boycott Walgreens... it won't affect our profit-sharing any more.

"Oh, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...."

 
We Are Walking

Well.. kind of.

Last Sunday will I was sitting in the nursery reading, I looked up in time to see Moiya walk three steps. She was holding onto the gate with one hand, saw something she wanted to get a closer look at, and took three steps over to it like the big, grown up girl she is getting to be.

I dropped my book.

In other goofy, child-besotted parent news.. we have this huge stuffed dog that Jacquelyn bought, lying in the middle of the nursery floor . Moiya never plays with it, and it’s soft, so when I’m up in her room, I use it as a big, fuzzy pillow while she plays. Recently, every time she sees me lying on it, Moiya has taken to crawling over and laying her head right next to mine and grinning at me. (Daddy melts, of course).

But all of this has to be balanced with our current developmental phase, which largely seems to involve screaming hysterically at anything daddy or Mommy want us to do... Go to bed, get out of bed, be rocked, not be rocked,eat, don’t eat, get in the car seat, get out of the car seat… (Please note: She doesn not do this at daycare, where she is reported to be a happy and cheerful child. Dammit).

Last night she decided that she didn’t want to take her medicine and started to scream and kick. Daddy promptly threw her on her back, pinned her, jammed the stuff between her lips and held her mouth closed till she swallowed it. Heh.. just like we do with the dog, except that I didn’t have to wrap a piece of cheese around it :)

Manly News

I repaired the tiller (w00t!) Haven’t been able to start it for a month now, and planting season is upon us. So I disassembled the engine. This made Jacquelyn a tad nervous, as my lack of success with gasoline engines is fairly legendary. Just ask the chainsaw kit that graces our side porch. Engines I take apart rarely go back together (at least not without some “extra parts” being left over) and virtually never start. In fact, historically I stand as much chance of successfully reassembling an engine as I have of successfully taking apart and reassembling a cat and having it get up and walk away afterward.

So I was very pleased that not only did I (with the aid of my Dad’s socket set.. which also pleased me) find, diagnose, and repair the engine fault, but also got the thing to start on the very first pull of the lanyard. Yeah Briggs and Stratton! I was so excited, I immediately went and started tilling the vegetable garden.

And promptly ran out of gas.

 
Better and Better

Oh great.. t he embittered crone Jacq is working for now has informed her that since Assistant Managers were abused in her day, she doesn't see why the current crop should get it any easier than she did. She apparently takes off most of the time (she "earned her stripes" apparently and it's time for everyone else to earsn theirs) and informed Jacq that she doesn't give her assistants more than a day off a week.

Life is so grand. So very, very grand.

 
Forty-Two

Got a nice note from my cousin Brian (yo dude) warning me off the new Hitchhiker movie. Reviews have been mixed, but hearing this from a hoopy fan makes me worry. It was too much to expect, that after the movies DIDN'T screw up Lord of the Rings that they would get this right (oh yeah... LOTR wasn't done by Hollywood -- I forgot. So this is something else (like Pooh) that Disney has trashed)

Of course, there is NO chance I’ll be able to see it in the theatres as I had hoped.. but it’s nice to be forewarned when I finally get to rent the DVD. And there is nothing they can do that will dim the bright star of H2G2 in its many OTHER incarnations. I sat up night before last just to listetn to my recording of the original BBC radio series.. and laughed myself silly. It's been a REALLY, MAGNIFICENTLY BAD week at work.. and H2G2 almost made up for it :)

(As I say about Bach, any universe that has such things in it cannot be all bad).

Looked for a time as though we might get a moment or two to ourselves.. Jacquelyn had Saturday off and we thought we might see her folks for breakfast at some location in between our far-removed homes… and then maybe even coax some babysitting from them for a few hours.

But the plan didn’t make it further than that. Jacquelyn got transferred Friday with no warning (well, ok. They did warn her that they would be shifting her between stores randomly as part of the training process) and her days off cancelled. So.. her plans are shot. My plans are shot. And our plans are shot.

Both her work and mine seem to think it fine to change schedules on a moment’s notice. Truth to tell, mine is worst. With the Evil Jodi in charge from her evil throne in Dayton, my schedule changes sometime two or three times PER DAY.

I leave it to you what this does to planning the running of our household and the logistics of raising a child.

Still.. here in the midst of Bush’s America (where we are told the economy if just fine).. we are grateful to HAVE jobs at all - and a way of feeding ourselves and our baby. And so we shrug it off and soldier on. Those of you who have written and not heard back in proper intervals of time, hang in there.. I’m doing the best that I can. And I do think of you each and every day, even if you don’t get any evidence of it.

I managed to get some time off in June, with the idea of taking Moiya to see my Mum. Of course, Jacquelyn’s work cancelled her leave at the same time. Not sure now how we will manage it. (Hell, I’m not sure how we will manage next week... and I’m still trying to find a window to get a colonoscopy done, four months on after I first started). But we’ll get it done. Somehow.

Gotta go.. the black-eyed pea soup I’m making is boiling over, the girls all need water, and Herself is waking up.

 
Little Kids

What is is about little kids and babies?? I've mentioned in these oages before about older kids getting worked up at daycare when Moiya arrives. Last week she and I were doing our usual grocery shopping on Sunday afternoon (dunno if she enjoys it, but I do), and the entire time I was in the grocery, every time we'd pass any other children from.. say three to ten.. they'd get all excited and start going "Look! It's a BABY! Lookit the BABY!!!"

Nice.. but well weird.

 
Baby Humor and The Most Magical Gift

Well Moiya now knows three words (that we know of). She previously was using Mama. Her current favorite is Dada (if she and Jacquelyn are off playing in the nursery, she will occasionally stop and yell "DA-DAAA!" until I come upstairs. Which pleases me obscenely).

Last week, while I was driving her home from day care, she got into a screaming snit and threw her pacifier across the back seat. There was a moment of utter silence as she realized that she was now going to have to do without. "Uh-oh!" she said. And then continued to mutter "uh-oh" to herself for awhile. The other day, she was eating dinner and would occasionally reach out with great deliberation and drop food over the side to the dog, look at us seriously, and say "Uh-oh". Then grin.

I told Jacquelyn that it figured that any child of ours would count "uh-oh" or "oops" amongst its first words.

Of course her real favorite word of the moment is "gagn-gagn-gagn" (as nearly as I can render it). Not sure what it means, but the other night when I went up to the nursery, she crawled over and sat in my lap and proceeded to look at me seriously and jabber this looong speech about "gagn-gagn-gagn." It was evident that it meant something to her. I would guess from circumstance that I was hearing about her day.

I can't wait to be able to talk to her.

As precious as language in general - spoken or written speech - is to me, and my beloved English in particular; as important as the whole process of shaping thought into words has always been and continues to be to me over every waking moment; these weeks and months as my little girl first begins to grasp language is riveting. How exciting to see it first-hand! I'd rather see this than see Leonardo paint the Mona Lisa (though that would be pretty cool too)

The only thing that will be more exciting is when she begins to read…. :)

 
Q: How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

 
The Pictures
Thought the baby pics turned out well, especially considering they were snipped from movie footage by free software. (Sigh) I love computers..

 
There's No Place Like Home

The carpet guys came and went yesterday, and the nursery is now a reality. Not done... but a real room where Moiya can test out her legs safely. We'll continue to play at decorating, of course, until she's old enough to stop us. I want to paint the door something bright and cheery, for one thing, and Jacq. wants to put shelves up for stuffed toys.

But we've got a nursery. Took footage of Herself checking things out. Moiya seemed quite pleased at the sudden meaasure of freedom, and took the opportunity to haul herself upright from everything she could get hold of. Standing upright is her big thing now, and she'll no doubt be walking soon. In fact, while she was standing at the child gate and "talking" to Wicker and Duncan on the other side, she forgot to hold on and was standing unassisted. It took me a second to realise what was happening, but I was so close with the camera, I could only get her upper half... so I desperately rotated the movie camera sideways to capture the moment.

On our way out to get the mail today, I stopped and picked a dandelion for her. I always thought they were so beautiful when I was little. And Moiya seemed to be quite taken. She held it carefully and stared at it, poking it with in finger, squeezing the "fluffy bits", and then waved it furiously about all the way back to the house.

Naturally I've saved the damned thing, carefully wrapped in paper towels and currently being pressed. Daddies are such big saps.

And all this for a child who is currently entering her demonic phase. She is learning what the word "no" means, and doesn't like it. We try to swat Mommy and Daddy away (for which we get our hand smacked) and throw food we don't like (ditto). Jacq. has reminded me that her cousin Jake - who is a sweet little guy - went through this (and was in fact much wilder). So hopefully we'll live through it. I understand it only lasts about three years or so...

In other news.. have had to rip out all the terracing I did of the hillside next to the house some years back. After last years' neglect, some of it was in bad shape and starting to topple over. And the weeds had run riot during the Kentucky Hostage Crisis of last summer and killed the flowering plants anyway. And the final nail in the coffin was the discovery that we have termites. Actually, it seems that one side of the house has termites, and the other has carpenter ants. Apparently they're trying to see who can reach t he center of Innisfree first. So the wooden terrace has to go. I'll be trying to replace it with landscape stone this summer.

After I had removed a large section of timber, and was standing on the back deck talking to Jacq., I heard a rustling and looked down to discover a snake moving out of the area I'd been working.

Not a little snake. This sucker was about 8 feet long and as big around as my arm.

I decided I was done working for the day.

And yes, we got our bed moved downstairs without too much trauma. There's a hole in the stairwell wall... but only a small one. The next indoor project will be to finish our bedroom. The walls are a most un-Innisfree shade of blue, dating from my late, sad attempt at fatherhood with young Max (ask if you don't know. I'm not going into it here). Currently we're thinking a Victorian-ish wallpaper.

Enough. I've got work to do.

One small amusement occurs: Apparently the carpet guys were unaware of the existence of baby monitors. "Hey, she's got a nice ass." got broadcast throughout the house.

 

Moiya! Not much to tell. We are bigger every day. But our molars are giving us hell… so we cry and yell and holler most of the time. Nights are long. Lots of fevers that come and go. Lots of yelling, ill temper and lost sleep. Going to try to move downstairs this weekend. OI! Got people coming in next week to carpet the upstairs for Moiya.. so we need to move ourselves downstairs ASAP. Except that I remember how much sweating and swearing the movers did getting the bed up the stairs. Stay tuned. The nursery is moving along.. about 5 minutes per day (all I have to give) adds up over time. Chair rail is up. Border is up. My old childhood bookcase and little rocker are being repainted. Was almost done with the former, but was trying to add some decorative touches along the line of this little Photoshop mock-up. And when I pulled the masking tape off just now I pulled most of the paint off with it (sigh) One step forward, three steps back.. as usual.

Unpopular Opinions Well, the Brits may be outraged that Charles remarried, but I say huzzah for the old boy. My acceptance of his remarriage is doubtless made easier by my own marital blunders, and by the fact that I could never stand his ex-wife, Diana, Princess of Greed.. erm.. whales....um...Wales. Having some experience in bucking the herd I salute the prince. In spite of inconceivable pressure and public hate and intolerance and every form of humiliation, once he recognized the love of his life, nothing has been able to deter him. “Best of luck” I say to them both, “and to HELL with what the world thinks.” If I didn’t feel so, I’d not have a daughter now, eh?

Good News And a long time in coming. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is coming to a theater near you. Outside of the return of Dr. Who, this pleases me most This work by the late Douglas Adams had as much impact on my use of the English language as Alice in Wonderland… which is saying a lot. Read the book(s). Listen to the original BBC radio series if you can. And go see the movie. Arthur: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young. Ford: Why, what did she tell you? Arthur: I don't know, I didn't listen. Good stuff, that :)

W00T! Thanks to my coworker James, I was able to get a bootleg copy of the first new Dr. Who episode. The fellow in BBC Canada who leaked it got sacked.. but I applaud his sacrifice. Lord only knows when the series will reach this side of the pond. And I’m happy to report that they done us proud. Good performances, good casting, good production values. Good stuff!

Speaking of Work Things are grim at the Salt Mines where I work. The ENTIRE operation now rides on the backs of two instructors, James and I. Which would be bad enough, but the mad woman in Dayton who is calling the shots keeps adding new classes left and right. Life is constant prepping and teaching and double shifts. On the bright side, Allen (who I both like and trust) our GM says that we turned a profit last month – the first time since 2003.

Meanwhile, Back on Planet Earth Thought this was interesting… Innisfree from orbit. Thought things looks pretty good and so moved back to see more of the woods. Very good. Getting happy and hopeful. Pulled further back and… YIKES! The woods are being whittled away into little postage tamps! Grrr! I will defend my little patch of wild to my death. Humanity is a dammed cancer.

On passing time Got a forward from Mum.. usually I detest forwards as almost all of them are complete rubbish. But this one about aging I quite liked and I’ve saved it for you here. I’ve so often said (to whoever was listening, which was usually no one) that, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that I never felt any different.. I;ve just noticed that others respond differently to me. From the time I was followed in my favorite stationary store (I’ve a weakness for them) because I was a teenager and therefore likely to steal (?) To the present when my opinions are not important because advertisers consider me outside the scope of their target demographics. My life has been a bemused observance of other people assessing me by arbitrary criteria that have nothing to do with who I am. And so the odd sense of never really changing inside, but watching people’s responses to me change over time. No wonder I like Dr. Who. Who else but a Time Lord understands the shifts and oddities of time? This is no country for old men. The young In one another's arms, birds in the trees - Those dying generations - at their song, The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas, Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long Whatever is begotten, born, and dies. Caught in that sensual music all neglect Monuments of unageing intellect. II An aged man is but a paltry thing, A tattered coat upon a stick, unless Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing For every tatter in its mortal dress, Nor is there singing school but studying Monuments of its own magnificence; And therefore I have sailed the seas and come To the holy city of Byzantium. III O sages standing in God's holy fire As in the gold mosaic of a wall, Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre, And be the singing-masters of my soul. Consume my heart away; sick with desire And fastened to a dying animal It knows not what it is; and gather me Into the artifice of eternity. IV Once out of nature I shall never take My bodily form from any natural thing, But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make Of hammered gold and gold enamelling To keep a drowsy Emperor awake; Or set upon a golden bough to sing To lords and ladies of Byzantium Of what is past, or passing, or to come. W.B.Yeats

And Lastly But Not Leastly This picture just cracks me up. Moiya is forever trying to get at the TV remotes, so when I found an old disused one while moving t he bed, I let her play with it. Now she sleeps with the thing! Dunno why we bother to buy her toys...

 
A Light in Dark Times

 
It's About Time...

Nobody I know will ever understand in any way what this means to me (Jacq., God love her, tries) or how much I love it, or how genuinely joyous this makes me. But Doctor Who is back.

The longest running (and best) sci-fi series ever to grace the tv screens of the world is back in production, and scheduled to reappear on the televisions of Great Britain and Canada in 24 hours after a 15 year hiatus.

How apropos that it returns to production at the same time that the last spin-off of Star Trek has died, and George Lucas prepares to close the door on the Star Wars franchise.

But the Doctor...after 40 years...just keeps going.

Link here

 
Crawling Back
Thanks to all who have asked. Since the last post, I've been very sick and haven't been up to posting. The ever-present diseases that wash over us from the day-care laid all three of us low, but the bugs decided that they liked me and just stayed on for six weeks.
Had a scare today... went to the doctor and she was so alarmed by my cough that she sent me to get an x-ray. Then they found a "shadow" on the film and there was an hour debate with the radiologist while they tried to decide if it was cancer. Which is what killed my Dad. (Boy... THAT will get ya thinkin')

They finally decided that it wasn't.

So as soon as Jacq. gets home from her night shift with my meds, I'm going to dose up and maybe get some sleep. Haven't had dmore than 2-3 hours per night since this all started.

Pictures and details later, as I can. Shout outs to my buddy Kelly (great to see ya, sweetie), and my friend Elilzabeth. And prayers for my friends Ellen (who is constant pain for no known reason), and Tracine (who is fighting cancer).

 
Gift of the Magi

Tomorrow, I will have what I most wanted for Valentine's Day.. my baby will come home. Of course, she will come home dead tired, late at night, have to work on Sunday and have to ship out again on Monday. (yes... they have demanded a THIRD week). But for a few blissful hours, our family will be complete.

I now understand why my Mum took such lousy nutritional care of herself. Without Jacq here, I have no one to cook for.. and no appetite for eating. Moiya's food is an easy Gerber reheat.. but after that? The evening is just a void.

But tomorrow night I'll make carbonnade of beef and a green salad to welcome my baby home! We'll deal with the future in the future.

We are the Children of Innisfree. We are Family. We have been through much worse.

Funny.. the animals are sweet, as usual. But they show the strain in their own way. They are so close.. everywhere I go they dog my footsteps (no pun intended). When I lie down at night, they all pile onto the bed and huddle around me as if, in togetherness they can relieve the sense of something missing. And they have been unusually tender to one another. Not that they are ever anything but. But even Simon -- who is always so fearful -- lets Wicker nuzzle her. The other night she lay on the couch whilst Wicker dozed below her, and she kept reaching out her paw and stroking Wicker's face.

This morning I was lying down with the baby, trying to get her to sleep, and Wicker jumped up and settled next to us, alternately snuffling me and Moiya. Then Duncan joined us, snuffled the baby, then me, then snuggled in next to Wicker and Wicker nuzzled her face like she used to do when she was just a kitten. It was all very sweet. When you're down, there's comfort in companionship. Even if you have no voice (or perhaps especially then).

So we just have to hang in there and not dwell on it.

And on the bright side, whilst abusing my poor baby, they have also rewarded, finally. She is now an Assistant Manager. Onward and upward. My only concern now is that Wednesday.. the morning after she drags herself home late from Owensborough, she'll be expected to state work at a completely new store in a most unsavory area of Louisville. :(

OK.. onto baby news. Sorry to have been silent so long.. but it really has been the MOST dreadfull two weeks.

As of last Saturday, Moiya was crawling and standing. Not hesitant little fumbling crawls. She was doing that a week ago. Then the next day I was filming her and called to her to "come to daddy". And she came pelting over like a bloody race horse. Afterwards she pulled herself up and proceeded to retraive, examine, and chew on every single thing on the coffee table.

OI! We are in such trouble!

Pics are available for any who ask. But since nobody asked the LAST time I offered..:P~~~~~~! to you all :)

All for now. I was up at 4 a.m. and I'm tired. Moiya and I will go shopping tomorrow for valentine's day cards. We're late, I know. But life is just like that, y'know?

 
The Ancient Mariner

"Alone, along, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
And never a sain took pity on
My soul in agony."

~S.T.Coleridge~

Ain't nobody happy in Innisfree tonight.

 
My World


Need I say more?

 
Crawling!

She finally did it. Yesterday Moiya crawled! She could only manage it for about 3-4 paces. And she clearly had no idea how she did it or how to repeat it. But crawl she did. Twice.

And just to put a topper on it, while I was lying on the floor with her (and therefore providing a handy surface on which the crawl) Moiya managed to pull herself fully upright. Three times!

I had to lower the mattress In her crib last night, as she had gotten into the habit of sitting up and pulling herself up to the top of the rail to peer down over the side. It was only a matter of time before she tried to climb over.

We are in soooo much trouble ?

---

Strange Things

Things are just getting seriously weird. Last week the day care decided not to hire someone based on Moiya’s say-so. This week they hired someone else for the same reason.

And then, early one morning when I was taking the baby to daycare... while it was still dark… I noticed a gaggle of older kids standing outside the door to the daycare. They looked to be between 7 and 10 or so, all armed with their little book bags. I never found out why they were there… waiting for the bus or a parent or some such, I suppose.

And as I pulled into a parking space, I thought I heard the name “Moiya” spoken several times. Hey.. it was P.C.: pre-coffee. I’m apt to hear any number of odd things.

But then after I got out of the car and was unstrapping the baby from her car seat, I couldn’t fail to hear what the kiddos were saying. “Moiya! Hey, it’s Moiya! Moiya’s here!”

And as I carried her into the front door to the daycare, there were all these kids lined up and waving! “Hi Moiya! Moiya! Hi Moiya! Hello!” So I took her little arm and waved back at them, which seemed to please everyone greatly.

Very, very weird.

---

 
Profiles in Courage

I offer the following sequence of pictures as proof that little Duncan is just crazy in love with the baby
Any time we have the baby on the bed, Duncan comes running to love on “her baby”	Moiya seems similarly smitten.
At this point, the baby is lying on the cat. No sign of complaint or struggle	Notice she here has Duncan by the ear. Still not a meow of complaint. Surely this is love!.
We finally moved the baby for fear she would do damage to Duncan.. but not because Duncan complained. She had a kind of long-suffering look… but also a kind of “ahhhhh” look.
I include the last photo without comment, just because it makes me laugh

 
An Appreciation

Jacq won;t be seeing this till it's too late, so I can post as I please.

I was telling Moiya yesterday about how I had married most of the women in the world in order to find her the perfect Mamma.

It is a slight exaggeration. but not a huge one.

It set me to thinking later that day.. in an earlier posting on this blog, I said that:

"I was pondering the other day -- as I sometimes do, given that I'm at an age when mortality seems more than just a word -- about what I hope to leave my children. Not in terms of money (I have none and probably never will have) but in terms of values.

And while I was thinking thus, I thought of my beloved. Here is a woman who once threatened some college guy with a beating because he thought it was fun to throw soda cans at a small, frightened bat. And then held the terrified creature and nursed it until it recovered enough to fly away. Here is a woman I once saw lift an injured butterfly onto a leaf and then go back to check on it the following day. And I realised that this is maybe the biggest reason I love her... and the best way I can say how MUCH I love her:

I want my children to have good hearts.
I want my children to grow up to be just like her."

And that turns out to have been truer than even I knew. Over the past week, through illness and stress, I've watch my Jacquelyn, ragged, unkempt, and at times harried, tending to our child.

And I have never seen her looking as beautiful.

Word soemtimes just fail me. They often do as I watch my beloved tending her sick child in the night It's no wonder Moiya's first words were Mama.

I was correct in what i told Moiya; I found the perfect mother for the baby I waited so long to have. She is exactly who i knew her to be, and once again, I can only hope that my daughter grows up to be like her.

 
First Words

It's official. Moiya has used her first word. Whenever she's upset and weeping, she holds up her little arms to Jacquelyn and says "ma-ma-ma!"

Not "Dada"

But I'm not jealous.

No. Really I'm not.





(sigh)
Yeah, ok. I am.

---

Rabbits and Kitties, and Bears (oh my!)

Our animlas are getting to smart for my own good. If we don;t notice that the rabbit's water bottle is empty and refill it fast enough to suit her, she unhooks the bracket holding it to the side of the cage and throws in on the floor.

We have a gate up to keep the dog and cats out of the front bedroom (which is carpeted). The cats are no real problem, but the dog tends to mistake the carper from grass... and it took me months to get the stains and the stink out.

The gate has a magnetic latch, but Duncan learned to pull on the gate instead of pushing it, and in they went. So I put a metal latch on the gate, at the top. Now she's learned how to open that as well. I haven;t seen her do it, but my guess is that she's standing up on her hind legs and throwing it open with her paws.

I'd sure love to get a picture of that..

 
Stifled Laughter

After having driven through 24 inch snows a few weeks back (and my friends in Utah consider that a dusting), I was stunned .. STUNNED.. to read about how North Carolina was in a state of emergency and panic over their one inch -- that's right... one pitiful inch -- snow "storm"

I reprint this verbatim (exept for comments in bold):

"RALEIGH, N.C. - A surprise 1-inch snow that turned to ice on frigid roads crippled North Carolina’s capital, trapping motorists in epic traffic jams and stranding some 3,000 pupils overnight at schools. The governor urged people to stay home Thursday while crews clean things up.

Highways were clogged with desperate drivers whose commutes Wednesday stretched to as long as eight hours.

EIGHT HOURS? The last time I was stuck for eight hours in snow it was up to the top of my car and I had to kill and eat a bear to survive!

Law officers tallied about 1,000 accidents in the Raleigh-Durham area, but there were no reports of fatalities.

You have to have brain activity for it to cease

“You’d move a little bit, then you sat ... then you moved a little bit, then you sat,” said salesman Brian Baldelli, who took seven hours to go nine miles on one highway.

But was he in a car?

Gov. Mike Easley declared a state of emergency, allowing him to open two state government buildings in downtown Raleigh as shelters.

Remember now.. this is an accumulation of ONE INCH

Department of Transportation crews “have been out all night scraping the roads and spreading salt, but their work is not yet complete,” Easley said early Thursday. “If people can stay home, especially this morning, I am encouraging them to do so.”

School buses suspended
Some 3,000 students spent the night at Wake County schools after bus operations were suspended and parents were unable to come get them. With Thursday classes canceled, school officials planned to have the stranded youngsters bused home during the morning.

That's an inch now...

National Weather Service forecaster Brandon Locklear said very dry snow packed onto roads that were frigid after two days of below-freezing temperatures.

Hells bells! Not even a nasty, sticky wet snow... a dry snow! You can blow it away!

Sleeping at grocery store
Lisa Sun of Raleigh resigned herself to spending the night inside a 24-hour grocery store when police closed an ice-covered bridge, cutting her off from her home. She had already spent four hours covering a distance that usually takes half an hour and saw “a slew of accidents.”

Almost two dozen people at the grocery early Thursday, watching TV or sprawling on air mattresses.

“They have food and a restroom,” Sun said. “We’re pretty happy.”


Okay.. I apologize. I used to think that Louisvillians were the most incompetent, useless and dangerously stupid creatures while driving in snow. This has shown me that are was very, very wrong...

 
Moiya Tells All

I was much amused to find out that Moiya is being used at the daycare to screen prospective employees. It's unusual for her to respond badly to anyone. She's such a happy, friendly little girl. And it seems that every new hire at the daycare she has ever disliked has proven to be a disaster. So now they just hand her to people and if she screams, they don't get hired.

That's my clever girl! :)

 
You Load Sixteen Tons, and What Do You Get?

Soooo glad to hear that lobbyists can afford to front 40 MILLION dollars towards the inaugural festivities. Whilst those of us who work for a living remind me of the lines from Shakespeare:

"Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world Like a Colossus, and we petty men Walk under his huge legs and peep about To find ourselves dishonourable graves".

After four years, the economy is still in the gutter and poised to get worse. And our employers continue to take advantage wherever they can. Had a meeting today in which one of our Great Dayton Overlords enthused about all the new classes they would be adding to the schedule. "Oh how wonderful!" We were expected to reply.

Of course, the reality is that we have only two people to teach all the classes -- old and new -- and there is no time off the learn the new material. Really, it was a most surreal scene.. a whole room full of people enthusing over the new game plan... but the two little mice in the back of the room were the engine for the whole company.

They promised they would bring in people from other centers to take the load.

LIE!

They promised they would hire new staff

LIE!

Turns out they haven't even been looking.

I just found out I have one day to prep and master a THREE DAY class. For which people are paying upways of $500 bucks to take. For some classes I get NO prep.

Raise? Haven't had one in three years.

Meanwhile Jacq is being told to jump through MORE damned hoops. "Yes, you are qualified to be an Assistant Manager. But we don't want to give it to you because you don't "put out". Tell you what.... we'll make you the person in charge of the stock and inventory. Prove yourself and you can be an Assistant Manager."

So she raises the store from the basement to #2 in the district in terms of efficiency.

"Oh... erm... Well we'll make you a.. a.. Manager Trainee. Yeah. Prove yourself and we'll see..."

And so it goes.

That's the Ruling Classes for you. Bastards. Every one of them. Smile in your face and then knife you in the back every time. Where's the guillotine when you need one ;)

 
Four More Years

 
Bitter Winds

Here's a scary thing. I came across this picture of myself and my fellow instructors taken June 2002. I've crossed off all those no longer with the company And there have been no additional hires. "The Few. The Proud. The Pretty Scared"

 
Independence

Hysterical footage of Moiya's first attempts to feed herself using a spoon. I won't post it, as it eats up my storage allotment, and I've finally learend that my daughter isn;t nearly as fascinating to everyone else as she is to me. But if anyone asks, I'll mail the file.

Some stills:

 
The Mockingbird of Love

I said in the previous post that there was no Event 6. I should have kept my damned mouth shut.

Between the runoff from the snow melt and two days of torrential rains, there are floods all over the area. large areas of the countryside to and from the daycare are submereged. And so it came as no very great surprise when Dawn, the owner of the daycare called to tell us that there was flooding bewhind the building.

But it didn't stay behind the building. By the next day, the area around and to the side of the daycare (the main play yard) as well as a good-ish chunk of the parking lot looked like a lake.

And guess where they towed Jacq.'s car after the accident?

To make a long story short, by the time the claim was saettled and the towtruck arrived to take the car to the repair shop, as they hoisted the front end up torrents of water came gushing out from the car's interior. So I've been on the phone all day to the insurance people.

Meanwhile, my own car has been getting some ugly marks. I was puzzled to go out each morning and find large amounts of bird poo all over my doors. Nowhere else.. just the doors (espceially nice when the birds have been eating berries, 'cuase then it's not just poo, but bright purple poo). Now, I don't park under a tree, so I was puzzled as to how and why this kept occuring.

Then one day I saw him.

There's a local mockingbird who has fallen in love with my sideview mirror. I watched while he clung precariously to the edge of the driver's side door, and proceeded to whisper sweet nothings to his reflection in the mirror. Apparently birds in the wild woo reflections the same way my parakeet did back when I was a child, as the mirror is now covered in muck from where he's been "feeding" his lady love (or kissing it, or.. well, whatever the heck it is he's doing).

And he's a faithful soul. At the height of the recent snows, whilst I was shoveling, I could see him braving the bitter cold to fan the flame of love.

Sometimes I just have to stop and smile, y'know?

 
Over the River and Through the Woods

Made the trek to take Moiya to see her Paternal Grandma. A lovely visit, but unlike the last, we made a few basic errors this time. Specifically:

A) We forgot to bring Mr. Bear. Mr. Bear is Moiya's sleeping buddy. She will take naps without him, but will not go down for the night. Bad Mommy! Bad Daddy!! Fortunately, Eore was ready to step in. He's not Mr. Bear, but he is a friend and made of roughly the same stuff. Once Moiya wrapped her little chubby arms around him (by the third night) she was willing to sleep.

B) We forgot to bring Moiya's MP3 player. We invested in one of these little gadgets early on, as I'm very picky about what gets funnelled into my child's brain. This is ONE kid that the advertising industry is not going to own. From the time she was born, she's had carefully selected music soothing her to sleep. A little Bach, a little Vivaldi.. She had music boxes, of course. And Lord knows there are enough toys around that will play nursury rhymns. But they are short term. I can program the MP3 player for a good hour of stuff. And one AAA battery will keep it going for days.

So Moiya sleeps most comfortably when her music is playing softly from the little speakers I mouonted in the crib.

Which is why it was bad to forget the music.

So.. basically between these gaffes and the fact that there are three (that we know of) new teeth coming in, there was NOOOOO sleep for the first few nights. Some pretty good sleep on the last night, thanks to Eyore, soft blankets on loan from my Mum, and the loan of her CD player. Once we got home, of course, we all three slept like the dead (except for a few episodes early in the a.m. when the kitties... who apparently missed us much... decided they wanted to play)

Otherwise it was a very nice visit. I love watching my Mom with Moiya. I've wanted to give her this for so very long. And Moiya needs her Gramma.



At Last!

 
Just a reminder that I'm going to be archiving the blog in the next few days. Hopefully it won't all crash this time. Anyone wanting to review the Saga of the Kentucky Hostage Crisis (aka our adoption tale) will be able to do so by clicking on "2004" on the blog sidebar.

 
White Christmas

It's going to be a long bloody time before I wish for a white Christmas again. Winter storms dropped between 1 - 2 feet of snow on us, effectively shutting down the area for 24 hours as work crews struggled to plow the most vital roadways.

Not that it helps much. For some reason, Ketucky drivers turn into killling machines if there is so much as a sprinkle of rain. What they do behind the wheel in snow beggars description. My personal favorite was the guy I saw a year or so back on a highway overpass, turning slow doughnuts in the middle of the road as the traffic moved around him, simply because he was too fundamentally stupid to pull his foot off the gas.

But I digress. I grew up in snow and have not troubloe driving in bad weather (shoot, in northern Utah, where I went to grad school, this would have been considered a light dusting of snow). But our driveway tilts at a very steep angle, and if there's snow or ice, there's no getting up it to the road. So, since we were warned ahead of time that the office would NOT close no matter what the weather did, and that we'd better be there, I parked on the easement just off the road.

Event 1: The snow begins. Jacquelyn wrecked her car on the way to day car (taking out two other vehicles as well, as I understand). Neither she nor the baby were injured, fortunately.

Event 2: By next morning, the snow has begun to bury us. Having put on my boots and struggled out through drifts up to my knees in places in order to warm up the car, I returned to the house to learn that work had, indeed been cancelled for the day.
Jacquelyn's work is open, but nobody is there, including her boss. There is no daycare, as the roads to Palmyra have been deemed impassible by.. well by whomever decides such things.

Event 3: The snowplow comes and makes a dent on the drifts covering our main road. Unfortunately, it buries my car as it pass.

Several days later, we manage to extracate my car with the help of a friendly passing plowman and lots of hard work, only to discover that the crush of the ice against the car has thrown the wheels out and the car cannot be driven without violent shaking. Two tire have to be replaced and all wheels rebalanced.

We then manage to get out and pick up a rental for Jacquelyn. I shovel a small space out on the driveway for the second vehicle. The snow is so deep and well-frozen that it takes hours just to carve out one carlength.

Event 4: Jacquelyn calls me a t work the next day to tell me that she can't get out of the driveway, tried to go forward (the emergency routine is to roll forward and drive out across the side year till it flattens out to meet the road. The procedure works only if the ground is frozen and the snow no more than a few inches). The rental car is now well and truly stuck in the middle of the side yard. Jacq prepares to call AAA.

Event 5: AAA arrives and then leaves, deciding that they don;t want to go down our driveway either. Buy now I'm getting regular updates via phone text messages, and my class is avidly following along.

Event 6: Jacquelyn suceeds where I failed the day before and manages to locate somebody willing to plow the driveway so that AAA can tow the car out of the side yard. Plowman not only plows the drive, but also pulls the car out, so Jacq doesn't have to wait for AAA. (My class applauds this news).

Unfortunately he also destroyed the bottom 10 feet of the driveway, and a large portion of the side yard (picture at left).

Event 6: As yet, there is no event 6